Updated on August 5, 2015
50 Shades Freed – Chapter 20
So last time we received the earth-shattering … I mean, joyful news that Ana is pregnant. Unsurprising, given that she has sex every hour of the day and can’t remember to get her contraceptive injections.
Read Chapter 19.
50 Shades Freed
I know deep down that Christian is going to freak.
Deep down? This is going to be very much on the fucking surface.
My mind is racing. Pregnant? When?
Probably during one of the 3,000 times you’ve had sex in the last month.
“I suspect you’re just a couple of weeks or so from conception. I take it you haven’t been suffering any symptoms?”
I shake my head mutely. Symptoms?
I don’t care how uninformed you are about sex, every mildly educated American knows the symptoms of pregnancy.
“I thought this was a reliable form of contraceptive.”
“It normally is, when you remember to have the shot.”
But I thought just thinking about the shot would work!
“Let’s do an ultrasound shall we? I have time.”
Why? Why do you have time for this? This isn’t even an appointment, you just dragged her in off the street!
They do a ‘transvaginal ultrasound’ (ie. the kind where they stick a probe up ya). They find the baby which Ana vividly describes as a ‘blip’.
The little blip is a baby. A real honest to goodness baby. Christian’s baby. My baby. A baby!
What IS it though?
“Congratulations, Mrs Grey. We’ll need to make another appointment. In the meantime, I’d like you to start this course of folic acid and prenatal vitamins.”
This is clearly unexpected news and Ana is obviously reeling. I feel like the doctor would be a little less efficient and a little more caring.
I should be happy. I know I should be happy.
No you shouldn’t. If you’re not ready, you are not obliged to be happy about it.
Perhaps I shouldn’t tell Christian. Perhaps I … perhaps I should end this.
You know you’re relationship’s unhealthy when you’re considering a secret abortion!
No. My little Blip.
Oh God, she’s going to keep referring to it as Blip.
She goes to work and asks Hannah (her secretary) if she’s moved or cancelled any of her doctor’s appointments. Hannah says, ‘Sure, you were busy all the time,’ making her the worst secretary of all time. How is casually cancelling doctor’s appointments OK? Without asking Ana first?! She needs to be fired.
“I’m sorry. Have I done something wrong?”
I shake my head and sigh loudly. “Can you make me some tea?”
No biggie, I’m just pregnant because you’re an idiot.
“You see that woman?” I talk quietly to the blip. “She might be the reason you’re here.”
That’s right, baby! You were created by the ultimate trio of incompetence: Hannah, Ana and Christian!
There are some emails with Christian in which Ana is very cagey.
When will I tell him? Tonight?
Yes, of course.
Maybe after sex? Maybe during sex.
Oh yeh, you should do it like this: “Put a baby in me, Christian! Oh wait, you already did.”
After work Christian collects her in the car.
Maybe now? I could tell him now when we’re in a contained space and Taylor is with us.
Jesus, what do you think he’s going to do?
Christian interrupts my reverie. “I may have to go to Taiwan. Later this week. I want you to come with me.”
“Christian, please. I have my job. Let’s not rehash this argument again.”
Ha! He especially won’t let you keep your job when you have a baby!
They go to visit Ray in hospital. The scene is incredibly brief, further proving that Ray is a two-dimensional non-character who exists only for Ana to feel distressed about.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” I kiss him. That’s provided Christian hasn’t locked you away … or worse.
What? WHAT?! Why would Christian lock up Ray? And what the hell is ‘worse’?
Back at home Ana picks at her food and Christian asks her what’s wrong.
It’s now or never.
Don’t see why that should be the case.
“Your shot?” he snarls. “Did you forget your shot?”
Christian, you know she’s a sexual dunce. Perhaps you might have reminded her, rather than just sticking your dick in her and hoping for the best? Equal responsibility and all that.
“Shit! I don’t fucking believe it. How could you be so stupid? Did you forget? Or did you do this on purpose?”
Oh, that’s low.
I can’t tell him about Hannah – he’d fire her.
Which you should have done.
“This is why. This is why I like control. So shit like this doesn’t come along and fuck everything up.”
You’re right, Christian. This entirely confirms all your previous behaviour. Well done.
“Don’t start with the waterworks now. You think I’m ready to be a father?”
Given that you’re screaming at a crying, pregnant woman and thumping the table I’d say … no.
Christian storms out. Mrs Jones the housekeeper offers to get Ana a glass of wine to calm her down, but Ana realises she can’t drink alcohol now. Mrs Jones also tries to get Ana to eat, which Christian has been doing all evening. Fuck off and let her decide what goes in her stomach.
I wake cold and disoriented. I check my watch: eleven in the evening. I realise Christian is not home. I text him.
“Where are you?”
Probably arranging an abortion. You know how he likes control.
I head to the great room. On the way, I pop into the spare bedroom. Perhaps this could be Little Blip’s room. Will we paint it blue or pink?
Your husband just called you fucking stupid and stormed out on you because you’re pregnant, and you’re contemplating paint colours for the baby’s room?
Christian comes home much later, drunk. I mean absolutely blasted. He starts hitting on her.
“Christian, I think you need some sleep.”
“And so it begins. I’ve heard about this. Babies mean no sex.”
Fuck you! Like her default setting should be wanting to have sex with you, even after you’ve yelled at her and gotten out of your head on drink. Dickhead.
“Let’s get you undressed first.”
“Now you’re talking.”
Holy cow. Drunk Christian is cute and playful.
For the love of God, don’t have sex with him.
Christian talks to her belly, then tells Ana that she will choose the baby over him. Well, in a ‘you can save one person from drowning’ scenario, maybe. But that ain’t likely – she CAN have both.
Christian has passed out completely.
I fold his jacket over my arm. As I do, his BlackBerry falls to the floor.
“It was good to see you. I understand now. Don’t fret. You’ll make a wonderful father.”
It’s from her. Mrs Elena Bitch Troll Robinson.
Good God, this is so hopeless.
Read Chapter 21.