50 Shades Darker – Chapter 13

Christian stops paying attention for one minute and Ana finds herself at the business end of a gun, wielded by crazy lady Leila. I guess this proves that all of Christian’s possessiveness up to this point is entirely justified.

Read Chapter Twelve, or read the whole lot on ‘The Fifty Shades Saga‘ page.

50 Shades Darker
Chapter 13

Holy fuck.

Yep, that pretty much sums it up.

My subconscious swoons into a dead faint…

Which has no impact on you whatsoever, since it’s your SUBconscious.

…and I don’t think even smelling salts will bring her back.

Oh sure, because you have smelling salts just lying around.

I blink repeatedly at Leila.

God, you’re all action, aren’t you?

Where is Ethan? What if she’s harmed him?

You introduced him in the last chapter. I’ll cope.

Leila … is as scruffy and ill-kempt as ever.

Bloody right. I wouldn’t believe she was really crazy if she dressed well.

They start talking to each other. I can’t wait to see how Ana’s grand powers of articulation come into play here.

“Are you here alone?”
“Alone,” she whispers. “Alone.”

Oh boy, she’s nuts because she got dumped. Why would THAT be your opener?

“Would you like some tea?” Why am I asking her if she wants tea?

Why are you asking me why you’re asking her if she wants tea?

Yes, if she wanted me dead, surely she would have shot me by now.

Not necessarily. I’d let you stew in it too.

She literally puts the kettle on to make freaking tea for the gunman.

“Are you sure you don’t want tea or coffee?”
“Not thirsty.”

Could have told Ana that before she put the kettle on. GOD.

“Master – Mr. Grey – he lets you call him by his given name.”

She calls him Master?!

“But Master is happy. He laughs and smiles. These reactions are rare … very rare for him.”

This constant Ana praising is getting really REALLY tedious. Even somebody who hates her is doing it.

“Master likes obedient ones who look like you and me. The others, all the same … all the same …”

Solid proof that Christian is with Ana for her – *shudder* – personality.

“Master is dark … Master is a dark man, but I love him.”

She sounds like a bloody house elf.

Her hand grips [the gun] tightly, and she hugs it to her chest.
“This is mine. It’s all I have left.” She gently caresses the gun.

Freud! Can we get Freud over here, please?

Right on cue the door bursts open, and Christian is standing in the doorway, Taylor behind him.

Hooray! Now Mr Tact can handle the situation with his trademark delicacy!

Will she shoot? Both of us? Just Christian?

EL James, the reader is already asking these questions. You do not need to write them down.

What will she do? What will he do?

I don’t know. Get on with DESCRIBING IT and we’ll all find out.

His eyes bore into her … the tension is building.

Oh bloody hell, don’t just say that. Where’s the NUANCE?

This is Dominant Christian. Finally he mouths a word at her. She drops to the floor on her knees, her head bowed, and the gun falls and skitters uselessly across the wooden floor.

He just saved Ana’s life, but you can bet she’s going to make a big deal out of him dominating Leila to do it.

“For the love of God, Anastasia, will you do as you’re told for once in your life and go!”
Angry at me? No way. Please – no!

He had to ask you three times to leave so he could deal with Leila, and you ignored him. OF COURSE he’s angry.

Why does he want to stay with her?

Come on, he can’t just LEAVE her! It seems awfully like they have some shit to sort out.

“I need to be alone with Leila.”
I think he’s trying to convey some kind of message.

Yes, LEAVE THEM ALONE.

Christian and Leila, Leila and Christian … together? What is he doing with her now?

For goodness sake, he’s not going to fuck her on the kitchen floor! He’s trying to PROTECT you, because he loves YOU. Will you calm down?

Taylor carries Ana downstairs because she won’t fucking leave. Ethan is in the lobby, looking concerned, and Ana fills him in on what just happened.

“Has anyone called the cops?”
“No, it’s not like that.”

It’s EXACTLY like that. Call the police.

“Ethan and I will go for a quick drink and then head back to Escala.”

Alcohol will solve everything!

“Do you want to leave your bag with Taylor?”

Why are we reading this? It doesn’t matter.

“No, I’ll keep it with me, thanks.”

Oh, good.

Too late, I remember that I’ve left my purse in the back of the Audi.

Oh no! Now what?

“My purse – “
“Don’t worry,” Ethan murmurs, “It’s cool, it’s on me.”

Wow. I can’t decide which is more interesting. The Saga of Christian’s Crazy Ex, or The Epic Tale of the Missing Handbag.

The bar scene, in which Ana moans that Christian isn’t there and explains to Ethan the whole Leila back story. In detail. BECAUSE APPARENTLY EL JAMES HAS FORGOTTEN WE READ IT ALL ALREADY. They watch from the bar as Christian and Leila emerge from the apartment building, get into his car and drive away. They get drunk and she goes back to Christian’s apartment.

Christian is … pacing the room.
“Where the fuck have you been?”
He’s angry with me.

Oh, this isn’t news.

“Where’s Leila?”
“In a psychiatric hospital in Fremont.”

What? But you shagged her before you took her there, right? RIGHT?!

I shake my head. “I’m no good for you.”

Brilliant.

“I can’t be everything you need. Just seeing you with her…”

You have had this conversation COUNTLESS times. He has told you EVERY TIME that you are all he needs. This dead horse has been sufficiently flogged. Please stop.

“You’re running?” he whispers as his eyes widen with fear. “You can’t go. Ana, I love you!”
“I love you, too, Christian, it’s just –“

What? WHAT? THERE IS NO REASON FOR THIS.

…suddenly he drops to his knees in front of me, head bowed.
Holy Fuck … Christian. The submissive.

Congratulations. You broke him.


Read Chapter Fourteen.

Why not let me know what you think? You can buy the book here, or the entire trilogy, if you’re a glutton for punishment. Ironically.

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6 Comments on “50 Shades Darker – Chapter 13

  1. Another hilarious summary. You are so funny! I pretty much died laughing at “What? But you shagged her before you took her there, right? RIGHT?!”. Lol. You are my favorite book blogger.

  2. Till you didn’t say ‘house elf’ I didn’t want to believe she sounded a lot like Dobby. I really didn’t. But there was no denying it. I cried a little.

    So, um the entire Leila saga, and gun weilding episode was to show a submissive in their true light, JUST so when Christian fell to his knees we’d see how he’s emotionally become Ana’s sub? – Oh wait, we didn’t only get to see it, because E.L. first made him whisper and sound elf-like, then dropped him to his knees ala Leila, bowing in reverence. THEN she told us with the “Holy fuck… Christian… The submissive.” part. – E.L likes to play “Show show show and Tell, tell, tell. Now tell some more.” with the readers. OK, I get it now.

    Although why we should be SHOCKED that Christian is playing sub now is beyond me. Isn’t it natural for him to be like that? Wasn’t he Mrs. Robinson’s submissive and regularly beaten by her? I’m guess he did some down-on-his-knees and head bowing with that one too, right? Ana cannot take the glory for this. I don’t understand what E.L just did there. It makes absolutely no sense.

    “Leila has a gun.” – “OMG is she going to SHOOT?” – No, she’s going to play a round of golf. That’s what people do with guns usually.

    On a serious note. As an aspiring writer, I understand how easy it is to grow fond of a character in a story you’re writing. At times I need to remind myself to remain objective and not sound like an apologetic/insistent fool during character development and/or when defining a particular character. It happens to all writers (I’m presuming). So, this bond E.L. has going with the character of Ana in this story makes me cringe.
    1. She gives the impression that she’s terrified of letting the character stand alone (too much explaining of irrelevant things Ana does). Everytime I read Ana I imagine E.L. not far behind, fussing like a mother hen.
    2. Too much apology for every single stupid action/reaction from Ana
    3. The ever present “Please Love Ana Because She’s Worthy” signboard all through the book.

    If you weren’t so hilarious while taking us through each chapter, I would have given up long ago. So, thank you. E.L. should read this blog. She really should.

    • You make a very good point – it’s like she’s terrified of us misunderstanding her characters so she has to reiterate CONSTANTLY.

      I’d love EL James to read it too – it would be so interesting!

  3. E.L. James’ idea of research is really spotty. There is no hospital in Fremont! (let alone a Psych hospital) It’s a part of the city reserved for hippies and artists and she would know that if she did a quick google search. I mean obviously the woman knows how to google because she knew that the Fairmount Olympic Hotel is one of the nicest hotels in the state. (It really is.) but personally, based on the description of Christian’s home, I don’t think he would stay there anyway. It’s too old fashioned. This is obviously nit-picking because there are far worse problems with this series than location but dear god is it annoying. It’s also really unfortunate that Ana’s life has a lot of creepy connections to mine. (I’d be happy to share the similarities privately.) I am really enjoying these reviews though. I can’t even remember how I came across your blog but I’m glad I did. I hope you do one for the last book if you can manage to get through it with your sanity still intact!

    • I do plan to do the third one next year, but I will be taking a break so that I don’t go completely nuts!

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