Updated on May 24, 2015
50 Shades of Grey – Chapter Twenty Three
Ana has gone to visit her mother in Georgia and, after much (insufferable) emailing, Christian has revealed that he’s actually there, watching her! She’s a little creeped out, which is understandable, and so she will probably withhold sex as a punishment. Oh, who am I kidding?
50 Shades of Grey
I have neglected to mention Christian’s stalker tendencies to mom.
That seems eminently sensible. You wouldn’t want protection if he turns out to be a nutter, or anything.
I see him… My inner goddess leaps up cheering from her chaise longue.
SIT DOWN AND BE QUIET. I’m trying to read.
I am so mad at him right now, and here he is. How can I be angry with him in front of my mother?
Simple. It’s like being angry with him when you’re alone, except there’s another person there.
He gives [Ana’s mother] the heart-stopping, Christian Grey-patented, full-blown, no-prisoners smile.
The more hyphenated adjectives you use, the better the thing you’re describing is.
“You’re staying here?” I sound like a sophomore on amphetamines, too high pitched even for my own ears.
It’s good to know that, at this point, Ana is even starting to annoy herself.
He reaches over, takes my hand … I feel the familiar pull. The electric charge zapping beneath my skin under the gentle pressure of his thumb…
Ah yes, static. One time I went to the supermarket and got a shock whenever I touched a metal shelf.
… is it so unbelievable that I could attract a man? This man? Yes, frankly – look at him! my subconscious snaps. Oh, shut up! Who invited you to the party?
Keep this up and pretty soon she’ll be beating off her own hand as it tries to strangle her.
Ana’s mum excuses herself. Christian kisses each of Ana’s knuckles (?!) and asks her why she’s angry that he had dinner with Mrs Robinson. She says it’s because Mrs Robinson is a child molester, who took advantage of him when he was 15. He says he doesn’t want to talk about it now. I wish they’d stop talking entirely.
“You’re jealous?” He stares at me, dumbfounded…
Of course she’s jealous, you dunce.
“She’s a friend and a business partner.”
Business partner? Holy crap. This is news.
There’s that non-sentence again.
“Why did you relationship end?”
“Her husband found out.”
Once again, this is news.
“I don’t think you’ll ever convince me that she’s not some kind of pedophile.”
“I don’t think of her that way. I never have.”
Well, as long as the impressionable adolescent victim doesn’t think of her as a paedophile, then she definitely isn’t one.
Did he love her? I think if he did, I will lose it, big time.
Because he dared to LOVE someone before you? Because he’s a human being with feelings like you’ve always wanted him to be?!
Christian murmurs, shaking her outstretched hand, and she actually simpers.
Oh, Mom – et tu, Brute?
This historical quote does not belong here. At all.
“Phew – the UST in here, it’s unbearable.”
I agree! Who in the hell says UST?
Ana’s mum tells her to talk to him about ‘their problem’: she has sensed Ana and Christian have a problem, because it’s about as obvious as Ana carving, ‘We have a problem’ into her own forehead. Ana’s mum tells her Christian is definitely in love with her.
“Yes, Ana. Hell – what do you need? A neon sign flashing on his forehead?”
I preferred my forehead-carving analogy. Seriously, I’ll get a knife if you want one.
“Go to him! This is a beautiful location, very romantic. … don’t feel you have to come back with me.”
What’s the opposite to a cockblocker? Is Ana’s mum her … wingman?
Ana goes to Christian’s room and we are treated to another lengthy one-sided phone conversation, because we really must understand that he is A VERY IMPORTANT AND BUSY MAN.
“No. I didn’t love her.”
Aw, I quite wanted to see Ana lose her shit.
“You were so mad at me,” he breathes. “I don’t remember anyone but my family ever being mad at me. I like it.”
How he has managed to go through life, in the world of business, having numerous sexual affairs, without ANYONE EVER getting angry at him, completely baffles me.
His teeth skim my chin, and he kisses my throat.
“Are you bleeding?”
“Do you have cramps?”
This is NOT dirty talk. I mean, it is, but not in a good way.
He leads her into the bathroom. A hot bath has been run, with bubbles and candles.
Wow … he’s done all this while on the phone.
Yeh, God knows he had long enough.
Hooking his thumbs into my jeans, he slowly slides them down my legs…
“Step out of your jeans.”
Sure, one minute, I just have to … sorry … my foot’s caught. You just have to tug it a bit. There, that’s one leg. Now then…
Grasping the edge of the sink, I do just that.
“Feel how soft your skin is. Feel how full your breasts are.”
I watch in fascination at the wanton creature writhing in front of me … in the mirror.
You watch AT her?
He … runs my hands over my sex, one hand at a time in turn, setting up a rhythm. It is so erotic.
Yes, and you could have done this yourself AT ANY TIME.
I am flush against him, and he kisses me wildly, ravaging my mouth with his.
“When did you start your period, Anastasia?”
Way to ruin a moment.
He reaches between my legs and pulls on the blue string – what?! – and gently takes my tampon out and tosses it into the nearby toilet.
Tampon removal is not erotic, even if you use the word ‘gently’.
Also, you can’t dispose of a tampon in the toilet, so someone’s going to have to fish that out later.
A sex scene follows, which features multiple use of the terms ‘oh my’ and ‘jeez’. There is also ‘rasping’ and ‘grinding’ and, as usual, Christian calls out Ana’s name at the critical moment ‘like it’s a litany or a prayer’. Good Lord.
I notice again the small, round white scars on his chest. … they must be burns. Burns from what?
He likes pain. Take a guess.
“Did she do that?”
“I don’t understand why you feel you have to demonize her.”
He’s standing there, naked, gloriously naked, with my blood on him … and we’re having this conversation.
I can’t help but think that you loathe Mrs Robinson for taking advantage of a vulnerable teenager and introducing him into the world of BDSM when, to all intents and purposes, Christian has done the same to you: he’s taken your innocence and brought you into the same world of pain for pleasure. And the fact you’ve done nothing but bitch, whine and cry about it shows that you’re about as emotionally capable as a teenager yourself. SO GET OFF YOUR FREAKING HIGH HORSE.
I know it’s ‘plot development’, but this conversation is going ON. In summary: she says she wants to know so much more about him, he says that’s he’s talked about her with Mrs Robinson, and Ana calls her Mrs Pedo, because she’s pathetic.
I endeavour not to sound whiney and petulant, but I don’t succeed.
Not to worry, you never have.
“Right – my turn. You haven’t responded to my e-mail.”
Oh, I hate the spotlight on me … Perhaps that’s how he feels about my questions.
You think? Imagine that, a little bit of empathy from The Centre of the Universe.
More talking. Whatever.
I moan against his lips.
And we move together. I tug his hair, tipping his head back and deepening the kiss, riding him – faster, picking up the rhythm.
Has she been doing research on the internet, or something? Oh no, of course not, because she hates everything to do with technology.
…he finds his release.
This is another repeated phrase. Apparently there is literally no other way to describe a man’s orgasm.
“What do you want to do?” he asks.
This is riveting. Please never stop. And remember the ‘funny peculiar or funny ha-ha’ exchange we had in a previous chapter? EL James has made great use of the copy and paste function, and put it here too, because it was so good the first time.
Read Chapter Twenty Four.