Updated on May 24, 2015
50 Shades of Grey – Chapter Nineteen
It took us almost two thirds of the book, but at last we witnessed a sex scene in the Red Room of Pain (does anyone else think of Jane Eyre when they read that name?). There were some chains and a whip: it wasn’t quite the reckless debauchery I had expected, but having come so far across the desert, who am I to complain that there’s only a sip of water?
50 Shades of Grey
Soft lips brush across my temple, leaving sweet tender kisses in their wake…
A kiss is, by definition, contact with lips. Thus it is ludicrous to suggest that lips can ‘leave’ a kiss anywhere.
“We have to leave in half an hour for dinner at my parents’.”
Does he take all submissives for a cosy meal with the family? Or is Ana ‘special’?
He’s just worked me over with a riding crop and trussed me up using a cable tie…
I know. I read it.
I flush at the memory, after he… he was so – barbarous.
Um, no he wasn’t. He whipped you a little in prearranged circumstances and forgot to return your pants.
Resolving there and then not to ask him for them and not give him that satisfaction, I shall go meet his parents sans culottes.
Which is, presumably, exactly what he wants. Way to stand up for yourself!
I … glance down at the drink he’s left. … it tastes delicious and quenches my thirst.
The only reason I can fathom for the inclusion of this utterly pointless detail, is that the drink was laced with something that will render her a babbling mess when she meets the parents. Not that she needs any help.
Frank Sinatra sings softly over the surround-sound speakers.
EL James, Kings of Leon you can keep. But leave Frank Sinatra out of this festering literary wasteland.
“Do you have everything you need?”
“Oh yes,” I respond sweetly.
His face splits into a huge grin…
I told you, he loves it. Did she really think going commando was a viable attempt at independence?
Will I ever be able to understand this mercurial man?
Will you ever be able to understand the basics of walking?
What was I thinking? … Now I’m almost outside with no panties!
Oh for God’s sake. You’ve made your decision, so deal with it.
I’m grateful that Kate’s dress is so clingy and hangs to the top of my knees.
As opposed to all those dresses that stop above the hips. Then it would be REALLY obvious you’re flying free.
And then there’s the Red Room of Pain … perhaps he would have found his way there anyway in spite of Mrs. R.
Yes, perhaps, given that practicing BDSM is not a watertight indicator of childhood abuse.
The somber night reflects my introspective mood, closing in, suffocating.
Pathetic fallacy doesn’t work when you POINT OUT YOU’RE DOING IT.
They arrive at a big old mansion, Christian’s parents’ house. EL James gets through with the sparsest of descriptions: ‘colonial-style’, ‘picture-book perfect’. That all clear? Good, we’ll move on.
“Bet you wish you were wearing your underwear right now,” he teases.
I flush. I’d forgotten my missing panties.
What, not wearing panties? That detail had passed me by.
“Anastasia, you’ve met my mother, Grace. This is my dad, Carrick.”
As in, District Council?! (In-joke for the Cornish there. Got to cater to my roots occasionally.)
And she [Mia, Christian’s sister] comes barrelling down the hall, raven haired, tall, and curvaceous. She’s about my age.
“Anastasia! I’ve heard so much about you.” She hugs me hard.
Oh God, I hate her already.
Kate and Elliot are cuddled together on the couch … Mia finally releases my hand.
Mia’s one of those enthusiastic, friendly people. Ugh.
We are taken through the particulars of how every person greets every other. Christian shakes Carrick’s hand. Grace kisses Christian. Elliot hugs Ana. Kate nods at Christian. I don’t give a shit.
…it occurs to me suddenly that the only reason Christian invited me was because Kate is here. … He’s been forced into the invitation.
Congratulations. You’ve invented something in your head and now you’re going to assume it’s true and act pissed off about it. Christian will have no idea what’s going on, and you’ll reinforce the stereotype of female craziness. I repeat, congratulations.
Ana mentions that she was thinking of going to Georgia for a few days, and realises she hasn’t told Christian yet (doh!). I mean, it’s not like she’s agreed to be utterly submissive to him or anything… Anyway, he’s mad.
“Ana deserves a break,” [Kate] says pointedly. Why is she so antagonistic towards him? What is her problem?
Oh, I don’t know, maybe the fact she’s repeatedly picked you up off the floor when you sob about how he’s mistreating you?
“Please don’t be mad at me,” I whisper.
“I am mad at you.”
Any attempt at not giving a shit has gone out of the window. ‘Pwease, Mr Chwistian, don’t be angwy wiv me!’
“How was José when you went to the bar with him on Friday?”
Holy fuck, Kate.
Stirring bitch! If you think your friend’s boyfriend is being a shit to her, why would you GIVE HIM MORE REASON TO BE A SHIT TO HER?
The household maid, Gretchen, is eyeing up Christian and Ana doesn’t like it. There is some conversation about how Christian didn’t get measles when he was a kid. Whoop-di-fucking-doop.
Gretchen appears, and … I wish I felt able to put my hands on Christian just to let her know – he may be fifty shades of fucked up, but he’s mine.
Title mention number three! Stop, it causes me physical pain every time. Ironically.
Little Miss European Pigtails returns…
Yeh, Gretchen’s such a cow, because of her stupid hairstyle and her place of birth.
Mia regales us with her exploits in Paris, lapsing at one point into fluent French. We all stare at her, and she stares back puzzled, until Christian tells her in equally fluent French what she’s done…
‘Oh my! How embarrassing! I’ve lapsed into perfect French again! Aren’t I silly?’
I sigh and peek up at Fifty Shades.
Jesus, she’s using this as a nickname for him now? I can’t wait for a cameo appearance by EL James herself.
Christian takes Ana outside, on the pretext of showing her the garden. Instead he hoicks her over his shoulder, slaps her on the arse and lugs her to the boathouse.
“I need to be alone with you.”
Caveman want sex now.
“Because I’m going to spank you and then fuck you.”
I know an undignified fireman’s lift always gets me in the mood.
By the way, nothing ever came of that drink she sipped back in Christian’s apartment. I can only assume EL James was feeling a bit thirsty at the time and couldn’t be arsed to get up for a glass of water.
Read Chapter Twenty.