Updated on May 24, 2015
50 Shades of Grey – Chapter Eleven
And thus, with shaking fingers and beating heart, Ana tears open the envelope and reads what is inside. The contract. Will she give up her independence and become Christian’s submissive? Or will she set an example for womankind and merengue off into the sunset? Whatever the outcome, will anybody give a shit?
50 Shades of Grey
The Dominant and the Submissive each warrant that they suffer from no sexual, serious, infectious, or life-threatening illnesses…
Does unbearable stupidity count?
…the Submissive is to serve and obey the Dominant in all things …she shall without query or hesitation offer the Dominant such pleasure as he may require…
Obeying Christian’s every word. This will truly break the mould for Ana.
This contract shall be effective for a period of three calendar months…
… and neither party shall fall in love with other in the meantime. Seriously, it would make for a terribly clichéd story.
The Dominant may flog, spank, whip, or corporally punish the Submissive as he sees fit, for the purposes of discipline, for his own personal enjoyment, or for any other reason, which he is not obliged to provide.
Why bother identifying discipline and pleasure as reasons, if you follow it with a ‘whenever the hell he wants’ clause?
The Dominant may restrain, handcuff, or bind the Submissive at any time during the Allotted Times … for any reason and for extended periods of time…
And gag her? Please say you can gag her!
The Submissive shall not touch or pleasure herself sexually without permission from the Dominant.
Not to worry, she lived twenty odd years without bothering. Somehow.
The Submissive shall not look directly into the eyes of the Dominant except when specifically instructed to do so.
Blinking contests are out then.
The Safeword “Yellow” will be used to bring to the attention of the Dominant that the Submissive is close to her limit of endurance.
Yellow, yellow, yellow! Oh crap, the book didn’t end.
The Safeword “Red” will be used to bring to the attention of the Dominant that the Submissive cannot tolerate any further demands.
It’s some sort of cunning colour-coding system. Hopefully it’s not too complex for Ana to remember.
The Appendices to the contract are given, which are definitely copy and pasted from the Non-Disclosure Agreement in chapter seven. Well, EL James has managed to write a whole third of a novel, she deserves a break.
At last! We return to original material. Although I was hoping James would shove the ‘almost getting run over by a bike’ scene in again, whilst she was padding out her book. I liked that one.
Does the Submissive consent to: Masturbation, Cunnilingus, Fellatio, Swallowing Semen, Vaginal Intercourse, Vaginal Fisting, Anal Intercourse, Anal Fisting. Does the Submissive consent to the use of: Vibrators, Butt plugs, Dildos, Other vaginal/anal toys.
Well, yeh, if you want to be boring.
Does the Submissive consent to: Bondage with rope/leather cuffs/tape/other.
Ah, the wonderfully vague term ‘other’. She could sign and end up being tied up with cheese strings. Which would be a waste of perfectly good cheese. I for one won’t stand for it.
How much pain is the Submissive willing to experience? Where 1 is likes intensely and 5 is dislikes intensely.
My attempts to fathom any meaning in this sentence have failed.
Holy fuck. I can’t bring myself to even consider the food list.
Once again, Ana has her priorities wrong.
And apparently it’s for my benefit, to explore my sensuality, my limits – safely – oh, please! I scoff angrily.
Don’t sign it then. That really is an option.
Every weekend? … I’ll never see Kate or whatever friends I may make at my new job.
We all know you won’t make any friends. Sign up to be a sex slave or spend your weekends bemoaning the fact you live with your best friend.
A long, drawn out stream of consciousness takes place, in which Ana effectively repeats everything she’s just read, but with question marks added to on the end of every item, so we know she is A COMPLEX CHARACTER FACING A DILEMMA.
Perhaps I should borrow Kate’s pink flannel pajamas. I want something cuddly and reassuring around me.
Not scoffing at the depression pyjamas now!
My inner goddess is jumping up and down, clapping her hands like a five-year-old. Please, let’s do this … otherwise we’ll end up alone with lots of cats and your classic novels to keep you company.
Correct. These are the only two options for women.
Kate wakes me the next day … It’s eight in the morning. Holy Moses, I’ve slept for a solid nine hours.
Nine hours! How ridiculous! It’s unimaginable! I’ve never slept for that long, not last night, and especially not practically every night before that.
A smart young man with a ponytail is standing in our living room clasping a large box.
“I have a package for you here, but I have to set it up and show you how to use it.”
It’s a plastic chair. These things can get a little complicated but I’m under strict instructions not to leave until you’ve mastered the art of sitting down.
“Okay, what is it?”
“It’s a MacBook Pro.”
Phew! The fact that Ana didn’t have a computer made it hard for me to identify with her. Now I’m sure I’ll have no problem.
[Ana says] “Oh, it’s only on loan. He wanted me to try it out.” … Kate nods her assent. Oh my … I have hoodwinked Katherine Kavanagh. A first.
Watch out, international criminals, for the master of deception that is Ana Steele.
The helpful man tries to explain how to use the new laptop, but she neither understands nor cares. I do not know why EL James has chosen to make Ana this way. I can’t see how her belligerent ignorance forwards the story in any way.
I have an email from Christian Grey.
You fucked Christian Grey. An email is surely no big deal.
From: Christian Grey
I note from your tone that you have read the documentation I gave you.
And a delightful read it was too. The best writing in the entire book so far.
From: Anastasia Steele
I have many questions, but not suitable for email, and some of us have to work for a living.
Says the unemployed student.
From: Christian Grey
Laters, baby. P.S.: I work for a living, too.
Replies the billionaire tycoon. Burn.
She goes to work and makes up with José when they go for coffee together. When she gets back there’s another email waiting for her. Hooray, more witty banter.
I’m practically bouncing out of my seat with glee.
Further sitting lessons required.
Christian Grey just sent me a winking smiley … Oh my.
Oh Christ, she’s practically wetting herself over an emoticon. This got published? Really?
Mr. Grey, What would you suggest I put into a search engine?
Miss Steele, Always start with Wikipedia.
A student who doesn’t know about Google or Wikipedia. How did she even get a degree?
I sit staring at the screen, and part of me, a very moist and integral part of me that I’ve only become acquainted with fairly recently, is seriously turned on.
EL James might be the best prose writer of all time. Such poetry, such beauty, can only be expressed by the word ‘moist’.
Read Chapter Twelve.